We’re really challenging ourselves with so much life all at once. So much can happen in a year! A lot can happen even in the span of two weeks! I have typically spent about two weeks between visits from Noel throughout our relationship. It was hard. Those two weeks felt like time was on pause. I obviously had to keep up my responsibilities, and still made plans with friends and family—that part was nice… not having to feel torn to find balance between wanting to spend time with my boyfriend all the time and maintaining my friendships.
The power of love lets you do incredible things. I was NOT interested in a long distance relationship. On our first date, he told me that he planned to move to AZ in a few months. I thought, NBD, I can do a couple of months while we figure out if things are gonna get more serious. It will give us time to really get to know each other and take things slow. note: while he indeed moved his stuff to AZ 6 months after we met… he never permanently called it home. His flexible work schedule enabled him to travel to see me often. Though sometimes not often enough, it made me feel incredibly special that he would make so many sacrifices so that we could see each other as often as we did.
There will only be one more two week chunk that we will be apart. Possibly for the rest of our lives. That is amazing! The hard part is that he will be working every day of those two weeks, and I will be running around like a chicken with my head cut off preparing for our wedding, but I’m sure the time will fly by.
Two weeks ago today, on 10.11.17 we decided to “dream big” and go look at a house on the beach. We are moving to a tiny little town on the Oregon coast. We had looked at a few that were close to the ocean, and one beach front, very old very strange house that I wouldn’t live in if you paid me. This house though… Noel and I walked in, said WOW! at the view, and immediately opened the back door and practically RAN down the private path that led to the beach. The stairs were a little slippery, and there is a tunnel through the trees that made you feel like you were in a fairy tale.
This fairy tale is just starting to feel real, because our offer on that amazing house with incredible views was accepted. I’m still pinching myself. Things are going so fast that it is a little difficult to process and digest all these major life events. It is nice to break it down into 2 week chunks. We leave for New Zealand in 2 weeks. (Oh, did I mention we are leaving the country a month before our wedding?) We will be there for 2 weeks, and then two weeks after that we get married. Two weeks after that is Christmas, and then a couple days after that we will go on our honeymoon and Noel has two weeks off. SO many things, my cup hath runnethed over! I don’t know how I keep it all straight or keep my sanity. In the midst of all of that we’re packing and moving and trying to furnish that house, and I need to remember to stop and smell that salty sea air. Something tells me it won’t be hard to do.
I am humbled at the good grace that has been cast over my life. When I created this blog, and the title of it… I chose it because I was looking for something. I was looking to find enjoyment and satisfaction in the small and everyday things that this life consists of:
Sept 27, 2012:
I have long been a fan of the idiom: “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” Meaning that you get so caught up in the details, that you fail to see the big picture. I have been guilty of this, like everyone else… so I’m working toward letting go of the little things (the trees!) and embracing my life as a body of work. (the forest!).
While I’ve been working on that, I also knew I wanted to find a lifelong love. The greatest desire of my heart was to be a wife and partner to someone. Even more than the desire to be a mother. It has been a roller coaster full of so many ups and downs. I have tried to faithfully maintain a sense of appreciation for the many blessings in my life, and not feel entitled to find a partner to share this all with. I wanted it… very much. But I had to get to a place where I was happy and satisfied with my life if I never found that person. It was not easy to do…
Even though I refused to believe it was real for a long long time, this ring on my finger, and the man who asked me to be his wife is the real deal. He is the most amazing man, and I am so grateful he chose me.
Since I was a little girl, I have dreamt of what this would feel like. For someone to choose you, WANT YOU… forever. It’s different from the love of family–which is special in it’s own way. The comfort and security I feel from this kind of love is like nothing I’ve felt before. There is such an uplifted feeling in my heart and the devotion that has developed as a result is incredible. I would go to the ends of the earth with and for this man. I cannot wait to stand by him, encourage him, care for him and make him smile every day. I simply adore this man of mine, and still get butterflies when he smiles at me. I hope that never goes away.
Planning our wedding and packing up our things to move to a tiny little beach town in the PNW feels so surreal. I know this is a time of great transition, as we are making huge changes in our lives and as a couple. But these challenges are all wonderful and exciting, and a part of life I’m so grateful to experience. Thanks for following along on this new journey for me! I hope to share more in this space as I can.
I think it’s about time that I pick this blogging thing back up over here. It’s been 3 years since my last post in this space, and yes…some stuff happened. I could recap, but it’s a long story, and there are bigger and better things on the horizon.
I turned 35 this week. That number seems more than a little daunting. I am proud of where I am in most areas of my life. Also, I really really LIKE who I am as a person. I take a lot of pride in being the best version of myself as I possibly can. I know my weaknesses and where I can improve. The first half of my 30s has been so full of ups and downs. As hard as some of those experiences have been, it has allowed me to develop perspective in life to be able to roll with the punches. Going through challenges develops a strength of character as well as confidence in your decisions and your ability to persevere. You learn when to let go of things not meant for you, as well as when to dig in and hold on tight when something amazing comes along.
Something amazing has come along. SomeONE as a matter of fact.
Someone so amazing that my heart refuses to believe he is real. That THIS is real. Falling in love for me has often been something that I either resist at all costs, or I jump in head-first not seeing all the “shallow water” warning signs. I started to feel the butterflies on our second date. The stupid smile I could not wipe off of my face after our first kiss was a good sign. Falling for this man has felt like no other relationship I have ever been in. It feels more like flying. Like the wind has swept me off of my feet and onto this incredible and joyful ride that is exhilarating yet peaceful at the same time, and I never want it to end. I have never had to guess or wonder how he feels about me, or when I am going to see him again. He has every quality (and more) that I’ve been praying to find in a partner. I know that God knows our hearts and exactly what we need, but I still cannot fathom the reality of being blessed with this man in my life. I have been so abundantly blessed already, that this just feels like more than I deserve.
I have been going along on this ride for months now, still refusing to allow the hopes to rise in my heart that this is the person God has intended for me. In so many ways, I am older, wiser and stronger than I used to be. The naiveté of a young, hopeless romantic has been replaced by a more practical, realistic and humble version of myself. I want to let the reality sink in that this IS real life… but I don’t know when it will really seem real. Maybe the process of losing my nephew is part of it. I just refused to accept that my sister was going to have a new, healthy baby until Olivia was actually here. It seemed audacious to think that it was a given. Now, every time I see that gorgeous girl and her little sister, I still can’t believe they’re real.
Maybe it’s a good thing to feel this way? I couldn’t change it anyway, so I might as well accept it. I already feel like the luckiest woman ever, even to have shared a tiny snippet of time with him. If this is really real then I never want to take for granted the grace of this incredible gift.
I’ve tried to write several times… but I guess I’m just so busy that I haven’t really had time to stop and really process and think about stuff going on in my life. I’ve also waited so long, and there is so much to talk about that is deserving of a well thought out and profound blog post… but I definitely have not had enough coffee for that. So I’m just going to free-write and see where it takes me.
Well gosh darnit, life is pretty swell. I feel like I was just bumbling along a lovely path and things were fineeee! But as I wandered along aimlessly… there was this little light peeking through the trees over to the side of the path, and I thought I’d check it out. The leaves opened up to a beautiful valley with waterfalls and birds chirping and sunlight streaming down on a million wildflowers. I mean, its freaking Lothlorien over here for crying out loud. There was just no turning back to that old path. I never could have imagined an opportunity so grand, and I still cannot fathom the fact that I get to live this incredible life. I am so grateful and appreciative of this place I am in.
I’m thinking about what exactly it is in my life that is contributing to the way I feel, and I think it is mostly this opportunity at work. It is so fulfilling to be able to do something you love, and are good at for a company you are proud to be a part of. A sense of renewed energy and hope has flooded into my life as well as a sense of confidence that I’ve never had before. There are no barriers or challenges in front of me that I don’t feel I can overcome. I have the experience and perseverance to find a way through these things and it is a very empowering feeling.
I no longer feel like I’m at a standstill in the middle of the freeway while the world around me pushes forward. I needed to find my sense of place and purpose and all it took was following that little flicker of light between the trees.
So that thing I was talking about… That thing I really really wanted. It happened! The biggest opportunity in my life so far. There really aren’t words for how incredibly honored and grateful I am. During my interview process for my dream job, I went back and forth between being incredibly humble, and having the confidence to know I was the best person for the job. You never know how your skills and personality match up with what an employer is looking for and how you compare to your competition. I have always gotten really good jobs. Jobs that are hard to get, that hundreds of people have applied for. So I have a reasonable level of confidence in myself, and I know I’m good at what I do. But just getting an interview at this company is an honor, so I am still in shock that I’ve been selected to join this incredible team.
Every interviewer I met with answered my question: “What do you like best about working here” with: “Hands down… the People”. It’s why it took 8 weeks, six interviews and a two day design test project to narrow it down. They only hire the best of the best and I am so proud to be a part of a forward-thinking and innovative group of people who will continue to inspire me to raise the bar in everything I do. I hate to sound so cliche, but everything does happen for a reason, and some doors need to close before others can open. I know that what is waiting for me on the other side of this door will lead me to the greatest adventures of my life.
I cannot wait to see what happens next!
I’ve had numerous things in life that I’ve wanted very very badly. Things that I knew would change my life. Waiting in the space of the unknown is tough. I know that even when things don’t go the way you plan, they end up working out the way they were supposed to anyway. I have enough perspective and positive outlook to know that for sure. Each time something wonderful and amazing happens, I am reminded again of the power of God’s Grace. THIS is how he works and moves in our lives. Opportunities present themselves to us, and we are guided in the right direction by the whisper of His strength and encouragement. By the desire and ambition He puts in our hearts.
So here I am on the brink of a life-changing opportunity. Holding my breath. Praying gratefulness for the opportunity this far and for the strength to accept it if it is not meant to be. One thing I know though… the bar has been raised.
My favorite thing about this video of my precious niece… is not her dimples. her smile. her little hands. or even her little giggles and squeals.
My favorite thing is my sister’s laugh…
We both watched the (really awful) Lifetime movie, Return to Zero the other night. It was about a family who had a stillborn son, and their journey following it. It was sad, and yes, it brought up a lot of emotions, but I wanted to watch it to support my sister. She needed to have someone to talk about it with if she needed to. She said that she didn’t cry, and that she is afraid that she’s emotionally numb. That she’s incapable of feeling… I told her that there is nothing wrong with blocking out painful memories and the emotions that go with it. But she IS capable of feeling joy. happiness. and love. Her laughter in this video proves it.