spinning

Some days I feel like I just need to move somewhere new.

Like I’m just a hamster in a wheel spinning around and around as fast as I can, but never going anywhere.

If you can’t change your attitude, change your environment; If you can’t change your environment, then you’ve gotta change your attitude. Those words were spoken to me on a particularly bad day while I was working at Safeway in college. It made a lot of sense to me at the time, and immediately brightened my day. It’s funny how a slight attitude adjustment can make all the difference. I was there for a reason, I was working my way through college, and while it was a tough season, I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. We all have good days and bad days… But sometimes I can’t even SEE the light anymore. I don’t know what it is I’m working towards. It could be there all along, just around the bend, but maybe not! Maybe I’m in the wrong tunnel!

Maybe an environment change is in order. (mostly because I am finding it more and more difficult to change my attitude!) I find myself looking at job opportunities in other cities, dreaming of what it would be like to start a new life. I always admire people who move to a new place. It takes SO much courage! I don’t think I could honestly go through with it though. There really isn’t anything holding me back from this… other than the fact that I would miss my family terribly. My niece is just the light of my life and to not be able to go and visit her whenever I want would rip my heart out. I also have some of the greatest friends and community here that anyone could ask for. But while leaving these things would be HARD… it would be even harder to let my fears keep me from something that might turn out to be the best thing I ever did.

Its just so tough to know whether the inner voices that are nagging me is God leading me in His direction, or if it is my own restless spirit that needs to just take settle down. Do I do the safe, comfortable thing and work on being content with the wonderful life I have, or spread my wings in search of new adventures? What if I fail? What if I’m lonely? what if no one likes me? What is it I’m really looking for? I guess I’ll just try to keep my heart open to opportunities and when something feels right, I’ll go for it. If it works out, there’s my answer? Sigh… Maybe it’s easier to change my attitude after all. 😛

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