Joy

I dreamed about her for the first time last night. About seeing the look on my sister’s face when I see her holding her rainbow baby for the first time. I am overwhelmed by the feeling of joy that is about to burst out of my heart, and I fear that all am going to be able to do when I hold her for the first time is weep with gratitude and praise at such a gift of grace. This kid just has NO idea what she means to us. In talking to my sister last weekend, we both got a little emotional. She just keeps pushing down the feelings and fears because it is impossible to deal with. I can’t imagine what she is going through. I know that in my own heart, I am almost afraid to let myself get too hopeful, or excited. As we know all too well… there are no guarantees in life. We are doing the best we can though, and I just can’t wait until baby Olivia gets here safe and sound.

In my dream, she looked just like her brother 🙂

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Tomorrow, I am throwing my sister and her husband a baby shower! I have been planning and looking forward to this for a long time.  The support from family and friends last year when they lost their son was so amazing and meant so much, I’m looking forward in everyone sharing in our excitement! Although I’ve been stressing about all the little details, in the end, it really doesn’t matter. It is all about the people who are there, and sharing the experience together. I’m pretty proud of what I’ve accomplished though, (especially my diaper cake!!!) and I just want the day to be super special. I know it will be, and I just can’t wait! The time for Joy is upon us!!!

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A wrong right turn

Last night was kind of a big deal. I’ve had profound spiritual moments in my life, where I’ve felt a deep connection to God and felt Him working in my life. I’ve had subtle reminders, slaps in the face, reality checks and re-directions. God is pretty cool in the way He works and last night he was doin WORK!

Here’s what happened.
I have been wanting to get more involved at my church for a long time. It is a really big church, and there are always tons of classes, bible studies, and social groups going on. Thursday nights are my free nights, which just so happens to be the night that the 30’s singles group meets. I finally worked up the courage to go last night. The group was meeting at the chapel, which is a couple blocks past the main campus. I was running a litttttle bit late, which was giving me a little bit of anxiety. I don’t know how it happened, but I ended up driving right by the Chapel. UGH! I knew there was a back road that led to it, so I made a right turn and found the road. I drove through the neighborhood for a little bit, and finally saw the parking lot. There were several cars parked off to the right, so I parked and headed in. There were some other girls walking towards one of the buildings and I figured we were all going to the same place, so I followed them. It only took me a moment to realize that I was now in the High School building, and that I was on the main church campus. OVBIOUSLY, that is why the parking lot was so much bigger. SIgh… It turned out that it was the first night-time meeting of the young adult group that has it’s own service on Sundays. (I’d been to it a couple times) It is young adults in their 20s and 30s. I decided that even through I set out to go to the singles group, God had bigger plans, and I ended up in the right place.

I am SO GLAD I did. It was amazing. The people at my table were really great, we had a lot of fun and had a really good discussion. There was a pastor who spoke and the topic was about Godly men and women who honor God and the things you need to be looking for in a true Godly partner. WOW was this exactly what I needed to hear, or what? The whole time, I just tried to absorb and soak in the words. God knew what it was I needed to hear, and He directed me to exactly where I needed to be. To receive God’s grace and blessings in this way just remind me that He is in charge, and no matter what it is that I think I need or want, His plan is so much bigger and better. I am so thankful and fortunate to be in a place where I am accepting of this Grace. In another point in my life, I might have just turned around, and headed back to where I wanted to go. I’m planning to continue going to this group, and I’m looking forward to continuing to receive the blessings of this wrong right turn.

So my lesson for myself is this: Don’t be frustrated with bumps in the road, wrong turns, etc. I waste time and energy worrying, being anxious, angry or frustrated when things don’t go the way I expect, but I have no idea how these inconveniences are just all a part of God’s plan for me. Sinking deeper in to my faith and trusting in God will give me the ability to just roll with it. Even in the hard times… God is good!

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

random thoughts for the day

• Yes, I should probably post about remembering the victims of 9/11. I’m thinking of them, praying for the families, and thankful for the heroes who gave their lives that day. There are so many other people who write more eloquently than I do about stuff like this so I won’t even try. I can’t believe how much time has gone by…

• One of my favorite things about my new neighborhood is how peaceful it is. It is by far the best location I have ever lived in. There is just so much LIFE going on. The past few days have been so nice, that we’ve been able to open the windows and let in the fresh air. To wake up to birds chirping and the sounds of the neighborhood waking up just starts the day right. We also live within close proximity to a giant greenbelt that runs about 11 miles through the heart of Scottsdale. The evenings are finally cooler out, and I am going to begin exploring this serene oasis that is mere steps from my front door.

• The club season is officially over for my ultimate team. Remedy had a great first year. There were plenty of bumps in the road, as is the case for many new teams, but overall I am very happy with the way things turned out. I was disappointed about not making the team I played with last year, but everything usually turns out the way it is supposed to. I made some great new friends, deepened existing friendships, had fun, stayed in shape and improved at the sport. Those completely fulfilled my goals for the season, so I am happy. I am secretly glad that I got to play on a more laid-back team without the pressure of intense competition. The team I played on last year has done very well so far this year and I’m looking forward to cheering my Del Sol friends on at the SW Club Regionals tournament in a couple weeks.

• Refocusing my activities on myself was something that I wanted to make a priority in my life and I’m pretty happy with my progress. I think everyone needs to be a little selfish with their time sometimes, and boundary setting is an important part of this. I am a people pleaser by nature, but lately I have found myself saying no a little more often than I used to and it feels really good. I tend to fill my days with so many things that even the things I want to do end up feeling like things that I have to do. I don’t really consider myself an independent person, but I do enjoy my personal time. I’m even enjoying my new commute as I listen to some good tunes and have a one-woman karaoke concert. 🙂

• I’ve been to a new yoga studio for the past couple weeks and it is SO amazing. Taking the time to practice in that atmosphere is just awesome. I think I am in danger of getting addicted to it! I had also never tried hot yoga before, but I really love the feeling after you sweat like that! It is so different than running outside playing frisbee in the heat and being out of breath at the same time as being drenched in sweat. It is really helping me get into a peaceful frame of mind as I am working on finding contentedness, minimizing stress and increasing my patience for where I am at in my life.

• I have a frame with the Serenity Prayer on my nightstand and I really need to focus on these words. Not just what they mean, but the significance of these words to my life. Every time a new door has opened for me, has been when I was concentrating on these three things: Serenity, Courage and Wisdom. I’ve been a little frustrated at work lately, and I feel like I need a renewed sense of gratitude for this opportunity. Reading these words I wrote when I got this job helps some. But the reality is, that I’ve been in the same spot for too long. I am looking for new doors to open, either at my current company or a new one. Praying again that the right door will open up for me soon and I know I’ll be equipped with the right tools to take me through it. 🙂

• In 3 weeks, I will be flying to the East coast for the first time in ten years. I’m going mostly to see friends, but also to play Ultimate! It will be the farthest I have ever traveled to play in a tournament (Portland, ME). I can’t wait to see Boston, Maine and some of my best friends that I haven’t seen in a very long time! I am also going to be visiting my grandma who lives in CT. Suuuper excited!

• Next weekend is my sister’s baby shower. Words just can’t express how I feel about being able to host this event for her. I’m going to have to devote a separate post to it, but I didn’t want to leave it off this list! 😛

• In a contrast to taking more personal time, I am trying to put myself out there a little bit more. I’m trying new things and spending more time getting to know new people. I am also trying to work up the courage to go to the singles group at my church. I told myself that I was not going to date during the club season because I didn’t really have the time. I’m looking forward to meeting new friends above all else, and if anything further develops, then I’ll be ready!