ending on a high note

Oh… 2012. You have given me more stress, heartache and gray hairs than the past 29 years combined. What a bad year. It was JUST BAD. Very few good things actually happened, and whatever good times we did have, were completely shattered when we found out the devastating news about Randy. Even the aftermath of a horrible breakup in the beginning of the year was overshadowed by the monster that the rest of the year promised to be for my family. It was practically un-endurable… but somehow we made it. We’re making it.

Every day, I move a little farther from the pain and a little closer towards healing. My heart feels like a piece of meat placed between two sheets of wax paper, that has been beaten over and over again with a mallet. Every repeated blow has made my heart tender. Vulnerable. Fragile. Which is why I’m surprised that it has managed to be open, alongside my mind… I guess when you really are longing for something or someone, the potential reward outweighs the risk. Or maybe that is just it… a tender heart has had the tough exterior of protection broken down and cast away, and only then can it truly be open. Who knows? Sometimes you have to let the hand play out to know if a gamble will paid off…

The best thing about hitting rock bottom, is that there is only one direction to go. I don’t think 2013 could manage to do WORSE than 2012, so a nice low standard has been set. But… if the past few weeks are any inclination, I have every reason to hope that 2013 will be one of the best ones yet. 🙂

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